A Girl's Life: Story Of An Typical Indian Girl

She is born into a world of happiness. They pamper her with gifts and with love. She is constantly told that she is the apple of their eye. She is told that she is the princess of their paradise. She grows up slowly. She is asked to go to school. She is asked to study. She does her part and does it well. She plays with her brothers and friends. Then she is slowly asked to stay away from them. When she asks why, they tell her cos its not right. When she asks why, they say cos the society says so. Out of love and respect for her family she obeys. She watches them play from her room through her window. But she is not unhappy, she creates a world inside those four walls. A room filled with imagination. A room were everyone has a happy ending. An ever ever land of solitude and peace.

She grows up to realize the differences between the sexes, she grows up to understand the realities of life. She is told, she is the giver of life. But what she doesn't understand is that despite all this why is she still inside those four walls. Why is her place in the kitchen. Despite having the same education as her brother and having scored better than him, why is he studying further not her. Why is it more important to learn to cook more than what she wants to learn. When she walks out of her house, why does she feel like a sheep for slaughter. Why doesn't she feel safe in her own country, which promises her the right to freedom and the right of expression. Why does she feel violated a 100 times a day even without anyone touching her.

She falls in love. A man she knows will keep her happy. A man she knows will do good by her. He reminds her of her family. An innocent romance of words and eye contact. But they found out about it. They tell her its wrong. They don't ask her about him. They don't want to know why she loves him. But they tell her it is wrong. Why she asked? They don't have an answer. She asks again. Why? They told her that the society says so. They say they will kill her if she doesn't leave him. Out of love, out of respect she obeys. She forgets the man of her dreams. Out of love she forgets. She is asked to stay away from strangers especially men. She is doubted despite her innocence. She is asked to go back to her room. The four walls she is so accustomed to now. Only now, it had somehow lost some of its magic. She starts doubting the capacity of life to offer happy endings. She wonders if this is how the world treats its princess's.

Then one day she is asked to serve coffee to some random man. After he leaves, they tell her, he is her groom. They tell her she is a lucky girl. She knows, that's not true. She know within that, its not right. Before she can figure out what is going on, she is inside another room. Only this one is unfamiliar and strange. The very people who warned her to stay away from strangers, locked her inside a room with one. She is scared. But she doesn't give up on her parents, she trusts them and finds love in her new life. She understands that the game of life is filled with sacrifices. She is happy when she realizes that she is pregnant. Her family is happy and so is her husband. She gives birth to a boy. She raises him like a prince. Happiness finds her again and this time she is blessed with a daughter. Her children grow up together. She pampers her son. He told her she was his queen. She loved her daughter. She becomes her daughters best friend. She inducts her into the kitchen. When her daughter tells her that she wants to study further, she tells her, that's not her place. Her son climbs the ladder of corporate life. But her daughter eloped with her boyfriend. She felt disgraced. She felt rejected. The society told her she was a bad mother. She started hating her daughter.

Years have passed now, she is alone. All who she knew, have left her behind. She was staying with her son who had barely any time. His wife, the girl she chose for him, had no time for her. She was left alone to fight her battles. She wondered, if this is the way the world treated a queen. One day she ran into her daughter. She looked older and beautiful. She had her grand daughter with her. The moment she saw her mother, she just hugged her and started crying. She told her she was sorry. She told her she could not leave him behind. She told her of the days she spent crying over her family. Her mother felt sad too. She was near the end of her life and her grudge on her daughter had faded away. They made their peace and said their good byes.

Her daughter came to see her today. She was shocked at the way her mother was being treated. She felt insulted that her own mother who had taught her the lessons of life was barely living on her son's mercy. She shouted at her sister in law and dragged her mother out of the house. She was now in her daughters house. She felt at ease with her. She felt like she had gained her best friend back. She learned that her daughter was working now. She had finished her studies, upon insistence of her husband. She asked her, who takes care of the kitchen. She told her, she earns enough to hire a house keeper cum cook. Her daughter seemed very happy with her life. That somehow made her happy. She wondered how some one she hated so much could make her so happy. She met him that evening. Her son-in-law. She was nervous. She was scared if she would be asked to leave. But he surprised her by greeting her with love and seeking her blessings. She realized that he was every bit the man, she wanted her son to be.

Days passed by and once again she started feeling like a queen. She started feeling like, part of a family. Her daughter felt the same way. She was excited to have her best friend back. They would talk till the end of the night. She fell in love with her grand daughter. She was an angel.

But then that fateful day she fell sick. She knew she was not going to make it. She asked for her grand daughter. On seeing her she started crying. Her daughter told her that everything was going to be alright, she asked her not to be sad. She silenced her saying that she was not sad. She was happy for her grand daughter. She was happy that she would be brought up by her daughter. She was happy that she would not have to live through the circumstance of her mother. She was happy that she was her grand daughter and not her daughter. She placed a hand on her grand daughter's head. But the hand fell limp as life left her body. But there was a smile on her face. Because in that ultimate moment when life was leaving her she realized that she was now going to REST IN PEACE.



Courtesy: Harikrishnan G Nair

Why Your Daughter’s Marriage Shouldn’t Be Your Biggest Dream For Her

“When are you going to start saving? Don’t forget there’s a girl growing up in the house..”, countless wives have been reminding their husbands in Indian households and sometimes on TV screens. Parents in the country place too much emphasis on marriage. And if you’re a girl, this gets doubled. The moment the doctor announces the gender, the planning starts, the saving starts. And more importantly, the worrying.
Because of the pervasive dowry system that devours most families by attaching itself to destructive notions of what constitute status, honor and respect, this directly affects the family’s management of financial resources and how girls are brought up. An unmarried daughter becomes a burden to be removed which in turn subjects her to differential treatment. Giving your daughter’s marriage utmost importance means everything you do for her is ultimately influenced by this concern. You either don’t educate her beyond a basic level because you don’t have enough money to spend on both (and clearly you’ve decided marriage is to be given the bigger priority), or you educate her (often according to your own wishes rather than hers) with the prospect of fetching a well qualified groom so that she can be ‘sent off’ to a ‘respectable’ home.

 Placing emphasis on marriage means raising girls in a manner primarily aimed at moulding them into a societal expectation of what an ideal bride or wife should be like, instead of fostering and encouraging individual characteristics. And in a patriarchal society, these demands are never free of misogyny. The perfect wife looks like Aishwarya Rai, talks like Mother Teresa and is willing to be submissive like Sita. She is unambitious, unassertive, unaware or not demanding of her rights, and has been blessed with extra invisible hands to successfully manage all household work and (increasingly) also a job without the slightest complaints. Girls then are taught from a young age to value their looks more than their talents and skills, to place their career aspirations or financial independence secondary to the need for being married at the ‘right’ time and having kids, and to perpetuate this vicious cycle through their own daughters, all the while carrying a burden of living up to the good girl myth so as to not ‘invite’ rape, lest they become used goods. Because rape is something that is given to us when we “ask for it”, and the unit of measurement of a woman’s worth is virginity. Right?
Imposing one’s dreams on another human being and wanting them to strictly fulfill them for you is a pretty selfish expectation and even a messed up form of ‘love’ (which is how people usually like to rationalize it). This stems from the perception that holds children as properties of parents and in particular, a woman’s identity only in relation to a man. It’s somewhat similar to indoctrinating kids into the parents’ religion at an impressionable age and closing the doors of curiosity, only even more violating. While one may be able to completely break free from religious beliefs at least on a mental level, the social costs of leaving an unsuccessful marriage in a patriarchal culture are many, especially if you’re a woman. Being a father-in-law or a grandmother is a privilege, not a right. But having the freedom to decide whether we want to give our parents that privilege is a right no one should be denied, because the decisions involved would first and foremost affect ourselves.
Not to mention the oppression it puts out for women who don’t fit into the supposed standards. Lesbian women, disabled women, trans/queer women, those wishing to stay single or those who want to have a partner but not get married. Women with physical disabilities constantly deal with ableist attitudes that infantilise them or treat them as less of a woman. Imagine the look of horror on the father’s face when he tells his daughter they’re going to start looking for a suitable match and her response is, “I hope she will let me keep my job.” Thankfully, we have an effective homophobic climate in place to avoid any such awkward situations. It’s simple, we just force them into repressing their sexuality and entering an arranged heterosexual relationship!
Marriage is not the ultimate purpose of a female life. I’ll say that again, it really isn’t. It’s only a part of it, and a choice some women wish to make while some women don’t. The important thing is they should have the liberty to do so without being coerced or emotionally blackmailed. This has absolutely nothing to do with their ‘worth’ as a person. Meaning, purpose and fulfillment in life can be found in a billion ways and if your daughter wants to include marriage at some point in that list, fine. If not, that should be fine as well. Give her education, good morals, encourage her to pursue her passions, let her celebrate her sexuality and uniqueness. The rest should be up to her. After all, if it is your daughter’s welfare that you wish for, then start by placing the control of her future in her own hands.