A Girl's Life: Story Of An Typical Indian Girl

She is born into a world of happiness. They pamper her with gifts and with love. She is constantly told that she is the apple of their eye. She is told that she is the princess of their paradise. She grows up slowly. She is asked to go to school. She is asked to study. She does her part and does it well. She plays with her brothers and friends. Then she is slowly asked to stay away from them. When she asks why, they tell her cos its not right. When she asks why, they say cos the society says so. Out of love and respect for her family she obeys. She watches them play from her room through her window. But she is not unhappy, she creates a world inside those four walls. A room filled with imagination. A room were everyone has a happy ending. An ever ever land of solitude and peace.

She grows up to realize the differences between the sexes, she grows up to understand the realities of life. She is told, she is the giver of life. But what she doesn't understand is that despite all this why is she still inside those four walls. Why is her place in the kitchen. Despite having the same education as her brother and having scored better than him, why is he studying further not her. Why is it more important to learn to cook more than what she wants to learn. When she walks out of her house, why does she feel like a sheep for slaughter. Why doesn't she feel safe in her own country, which promises her the right to freedom and the right of expression. Why does she feel violated a 100 times a day even without anyone touching her.

She falls in love. A man she knows will keep her happy. A man she knows will do good by her. He reminds her of her family. An innocent romance of words and eye contact. But they found out about it. They tell her its wrong. They don't ask her about him. They don't want to know why she loves him. But they tell her it is wrong. Why she asked? They don't have an answer. She asks again. Why? They told her that the society says so. They say they will kill her if she doesn't leave him. Out of love, out of respect she obeys. She forgets the man of her dreams. Out of love she forgets. She is asked to stay away from strangers especially men. She is doubted despite her innocence. She is asked to go back to her room. The four walls she is so accustomed to now. Only now, it had somehow lost some of its magic. She starts doubting the capacity of life to offer happy endings. She wonders if this is how the world treats its princess's.

Then one day she is asked to serve coffee to some random man. After he leaves, they tell her, he is her groom. They tell her she is a lucky girl. She knows, that's not true. She know within that, its not right. Before she can figure out what is going on, she is inside another room. Only this one is unfamiliar and strange. The very people who warned her to stay away from strangers, locked her inside a room with one. She is scared. But she doesn't give up on her parents, she trusts them and finds love in her new life. She understands that the game of life is filled with sacrifices. She is happy when she realizes that she is pregnant. Her family is happy and so is her husband. She gives birth to a boy. She raises him like a prince. Happiness finds her again and this time she is blessed with a daughter. Her children grow up together. She pampers her son. He told her she was his queen. She loved her daughter. She becomes her daughters best friend. She inducts her into the kitchen. When her daughter tells her that she wants to study further, she tells her, that's not her place. Her son climbs the ladder of corporate life. But her daughter eloped with her boyfriend. She felt disgraced. She felt rejected. The society told her she was a bad mother. She started hating her daughter.

Years have passed now, she is alone. All who she knew, have left her behind. She was staying with her son who had barely any time. His wife, the girl she chose for him, had no time for her. She was left alone to fight her battles. She wondered, if this is the way the world treated a queen. One day she ran into her daughter. She looked older and beautiful. She had her grand daughter with her. The moment she saw her mother, she just hugged her and started crying. She told her she was sorry. She told her she could not leave him behind. She told her of the days she spent crying over her family. Her mother felt sad too. She was near the end of her life and her grudge on her daughter had faded away. They made their peace and said their good byes.

Her daughter came to see her today. She was shocked at the way her mother was being treated. She felt insulted that her own mother who had taught her the lessons of life was barely living on her son's mercy. She shouted at her sister in law and dragged her mother out of the house. She was now in her daughters house. She felt at ease with her. She felt like she had gained her best friend back. She learned that her daughter was working now. She had finished her studies, upon insistence of her husband. She asked her, who takes care of the kitchen. She told her, she earns enough to hire a house keeper cum cook. Her daughter seemed very happy with her life. That somehow made her happy. She wondered how some one she hated so much could make her so happy. She met him that evening. Her son-in-law. She was nervous. She was scared if she would be asked to leave. But he surprised her by greeting her with love and seeking her blessings. She realized that he was every bit the man, she wanted her son to be.

Days passed by and once again she started feeling like a queen. She started feeling like, part of a family. Her daughter felt the same way. She was excited to have her best friend back. They would talk till the end of the night. She fell in love with her grand daughter. She was an angel.

But then that fateful day she fell sick. She knew she was not going to make it. She asked for her grand daughter. On seeing her she started crying. Her daughter told her that everything was going to be alright, she asked her not to be sad. She silenced her saying that she was not sad. She was happy for her grand daughter. She was happy that she would be brought up by her daughter. She was happy that she would not have to live through the circumstance of her mother. She was happy that she was her grand daughter and not her daughter. She placed a hand on her grand daughter's head. But the hand fell limp as life left her body. But there was a smile on her face. Because in that ultimate moment when life was leaving her she realized that she was now going to REST IN PEACE.



Courtesy: Harikrishnan G Nair

May be...

Maybe I cared more than U deserved..




Maybe my love was much more than you witnessed.. 




Maybe our friendship was way much than U could possible handle..




And most of all maybe I asked U just a little care and it way way too much for U to give me..

Why Your Daughter’s Marriage Shouldn’t Be Your Biggest Dream For Her

“When are you going to start saving? Don’t forget there’s a girl growing up in the house..”, countless wives have been reminding their husbands in Indian households and sometimes on TV screens. Parents in the country place too much emphasis on marriage. And if you’re a girl, this gets doubled. The moment the doctor announces the gender, the planning starts, the saving starts. And more importantly, the worrying.
Because of the pervasive dowry system that devours most families by attaching itself to destructive notions of what constitute status, honor and respect, this directly affects the family’s management of financial resources and how girls are brought up. An unmarried daughter becomes a burden to be removed which in turn subjects her to differential treatment. Giving your daughter’s marriage utmost importance means everything you do for her is ultimately influenced by this concern. You either don’t educate her beyond a basic level because you don’t have enough money to spend on both (and clearly you’ve decided marriage is to be given the bigger priority), or you educate her (often according to your own wishes rather than hers) with the prospect of fetching a well qualified groom so that she can be ‘sent off’ to a ‘respectable’ home.

 Placing emphasis on marriage means raising girls in a manner primarily aimed at moulding them into a societal expectation of what an ideal bride or wife should be like, instead of fostering and encouraging individual characteristics. And in a patriarchal society, these demands are never free of misogyny. The perfect wife looks like Aishwarya Rai, talks like Mother Teresa and is willing to be submissive like Sita. She is unambitious, unassertive, unaware or not demanding of her rights, and has been blessed with extra invisible hands to successfully manage all household work and (increasingly) also a job without the slightest complaints. Girls then are taught from a young age to value their looks more than their talents and skills, to place their career aspirations or financial independence secondary to the need for being married at the ‘right’ time and having kids, and to perpetuate this vicious cycle through their own daughters, all the while carrying a burden of living up to the good girl myth so as to not ‘invite’ rape, lest they become used goods. Because rape is something that is given to us when we “ask for it”, and the unit of measurement of a woman’s worth is virginity. Right?
Imposing one’s dreams on another human being and wanting them to strictly fulfill them for you is a pretty selfish expectation and even a messed up form of ‘love’ (which is how people usually like to rationalize it). This stems from the perception that holds children as properties of parents and in particular, a woman’s identity only in relation to a man. It’s somewhat similar to indoctrinating kids into the parents’ religion at an impressionable age and closing the doors of curiosity, only even more violating. While one may be able to completely break free from religious beliefs at least on a mental level, the social costs of leaving an unsuccessful marriage in a patriarchal culture are many, especially if you’re a woman. Being a father-in-law or a grandmother is a privilege, not a right. But having the freedom to decide whether we want to give our parents that privilege is a right no one should be denied, because the decisions involved would first and foremost affect ourselves.
Not to mention the oppression it puts out for women who don’t fit into the supposed standards. Lesbian women, disabled women, trans/queer women, those wishing to stay single or those who want to have a partner but not get married. Women with physical disabilities constantly deal with ableist attitudes that infantilise them or treat them as less of a woman. Imagine the look of horror on the father’s face when he tells his daughter they’re going to start looking for a suitable match and her response is, “I hope she will let me keep my job.” Thankfully, we have an effective homophobic climate in place to avoid any such awkward situations. It’s simple, we just force them into repressing their sexuality and entering an arranged heterosexual relationship!
Marriage is not the ultimate purpose of a female life. I’ll say that again, it really isn’t. It’s only a part of it, and a choice some women wish to make while some women don’t. The important thing is they should have the liberty to do so without being coerced or emotionally blackmailed. This has absolutely nothing to do with their ‘worth’ as a person. Meaning, purpose and fulfillment in life can be found in a billion ways and if your daughter wants to include marriage at some point in that list, fine. If not, that should be fine as well. Give her education, good morals, encourage her to pursue her passions, let her celebrate her sexuality and uniqueness. The rest should be up to her. After all, if it is your daughter’s welfare that you wish for, then start by placing the control of her future in her own hands.

I am Indian!!!

I am Indian.

The Indian film industry produces almost 3000 movies a year.

95% of them are love stories of some sort or the other.

The same society that consumes thousands of love stories for its weekly entertainment, has an arranged marriage rate of 80%+ in urban middle-class areas, and ~100% in rural areas. Inter-caste and inter-faith marriages are almost like a statistical error.

They are the same people who feel no cognitive dissonance when they go about denouncing dating and love-marriages as a hedonistic, narcissistic western fabrication trying to destroy Indian society. Even as they bankroll and spend thousands of rupees watching movies depicting individuals overcoming social norms (of some sort or the other) to find true love.

This disturbs me very deeply. It makes me think that as a society, we have become so utterly jaded that what we think of egocentric requited love is analogous to what a westerner thinks of magic in the Harry Potter series.

A pleasant distraction, a nice idea, but at the end of the day- an unattainable fantasy.

MEANING OF “So Called” LOVE

MEANING OF “So Called” LOVE

Love !! A Four Letter word that Brings a Half Curved smile on the faces.But What Is love ?

Love !! Indeed is a very arresting word but very difficult to understand and even more difficult when it comes to explaining it. It is often misinterpreted as an twitchy feeling that one feels about someone.

Love is affection,caring,attachment,liking,emotion,worships,devotion, etc.Love is the Cement that strengthens the bond between humans.For me Itself, in itself cannot be defined with some few words.

Though Today..the true significance has slightly changed or in other words we can say state of mind of people has changed. But it’s meaning has not changed.The only things got changed is the attitude and behavior of people.Love is often Searched through Dating Websites (In some cases it works out well but In most it doesn’t ) Love Is Developed over a Long Period of time.

Yes, there are those few cases of "love at first site," but this is a very rare occurrence and shouldn't be someone's first priority to claim their love the first moment they see them. Love is when you would do anything to be able to see this person. It is when you jump in front of a car and push your love out of the way to save their life. It is when you can't stand one moment without him/her. It is when you think about him/her the first moment you wake up and the last second before you sleep at night.

Love can not be duplicated. Love is love and everything else. The word should not be thrown around like a piece of meet, but preserved for that special someone who will not leave you for another woman or man and would do anything for you to be with them and you the same.

Save the word for the right person. Preserve the meaning of love and use it towards those who deserve it.

LOVE AND INDIAN SOCIETY: A LIVELY DEPICTION WITH NURSERY RHYMES

Love has been a four lettered word in conservative Indian households for more reasons than just the actual letter count. But that was 30 years back. Things have been changing rapidly with the onset of globalization. But India is a complex multilayer-d  society with the changes penetrating at varied extent at different strata levels in an already highly heterogeneous society. So what I would attempt is to present how a typical conformist individual from a conservative middle class family would find love. I have tried to use the medium of English nursery rhymes to portray the same to keep the narrative a bit lively.

Let us start where it all begins: when the parents feel their children have reached marriageable age.

Little Jack Horner
Sat in the corner,
Eating a Christmas pie;
He put in his thumb,
And pulled out a plum,
And said 'What a good boy am I”

At this stage, the boy and girls are rather naive and obedient. Or at least the parents expect them to be so. At this point, the process begins. The parents approach a matchmaker/relatives.

Match maker, Match Maker, where have you been?
I've been down to Chennai to visit the girls’ dad keen.
Match maker, Match Maker, what did you there?
I frightened a little girl, under her chair

Once the match maker finds a match, the parents of the boy and the girl interact.

Bah, Bah a black Sheep,
Have you any Wool?
Yes merry have I,
Three Bags full,
One for my master,
One for my Dame,
One for the little Boy
That lives down the lane

The black sheep (the girl’s dad) promises goodies for the master (the boy’s dad), the dame (the boy’s mom) and the little boy who lives down the lane. (The bridegroom) Next it is time to introduce another key actor in the process: the astrologer.

Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are!
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky

The astrologer consults the stars and decides if the stars want the marriage to take place or not and on what date and time. With this done, we move to the next phase: the girl and the boy begin to interact over the phone. The girl is very curious about her future husband.

Johnny Johnny
Yes papa
Alcohol?
No papa.
Smoking?
No papa
Girlfriends?
Ha ha ha

Once this phase gets over, we approach the actual day of the marriage.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again

On the day of the wedding the bridegroom would be placed on the marriage altar in front of the fire place like Humpty Dumpty. And who said one can only fall in love? One can fall in marriage as well. Once he is into it, his whole life changes and no one can put him together again. With the marriage done, the girls’ parents sadly bid farewell to their daughter.

Little Bo-Peep has lost her sheep,
And can't tell where to find them;
Leave them alone, And they'll come home,
Wagging their tails behind them
The girls’ parents are left feeling like Little Bo-Peep having lost their daughter as the daughter heads for the honeymoon with her husband.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after.

With the budgetary constraints of a middle class family, the honeymoon can be a bit too adventurous at times and the newly married Jack and Jill may have to overcome quite some obstacles. And then tiding through various obstacles they manage to sail through one full year.

Mary had a little lamb,
little lamb, little lamb,
Mary had a little lamb,
whose fleece was white as snow.

The stork comes and delivers the little lamb to the family as love finally begins to blossom between the couple.

With such a long and elaborate pre love process, no wonder from here on love has only one direction to go.
Though I don't agree that marriages in India last longer than those abroad. That is simply because women abroad are financially and emotionally more independent than women in India. And they KNOW that marriage is not everything. Indian women on the other hand, believe they have no choice, and certainly no world beyond their 'pati-dev' therefore they just put up with everything.

Again, we are confusing marriage with love. Just because a couple is married need not mean they are in love. They just agree to tolerate one another ;-) in easy companionship. OR for the sake of their children!!! neither of these means they are in love :-) with each other. Anyways Indian women are changing too... But it would be an Long process to break the myths.

THERE IS ALWAYS A RAINBOW AFTER THE RAIN

This is your life, hold on tight.

Nobody in life is ever perfect. We make mistakes at every step and these mistakes only define and mould us. Our hearts have their own mindsets which is way beyond difficult to Change. Nobody here is really judge-mental still they try to judge the book by its cover and often lead to interpretations. Often in life we get a heartbreak.

Especially in this young age: A disastrous heartbreak , a sad rejection, continuous ignorance, failures in life goals, maybe not getting into that place you want, it seems as if we are failing this test of life. We let ourselves down in every other way. All we could do is find fault in ourselves. We wander in the search of perfectness and all we get is more and more rejection in life. Because our definition of perfect doesn't even exist in reality. We always feel disappointed, brought down and discouraged. But actually our mistake and stupidities make us realize a lot, it makes us a lot stronger person from inside. We get a lot to learn.

Life is full of lessons and mysteries. Achieving perfection is nothing but a myth. Only way we can achieve it is by making our own meaning of it. We are only humans. We hurt ourselves, hurt others, smile, make others smile, make mistakes, have insecurities, moments of joy, hidden pains and secrets, love and get broken and want to reach the top. Life is what you Make of it. You only get that back. Life shouldn't be wasted on thinking how perfect it could be. People can blabber all day all night about miseries and give you advices about your life but in the end all that matters is your own decisions and beliefs. Even after laying the blue prints you need to work hard to execute the plan. Maybe your life may not go as you wanted it to because God is giving you something way better and maybe while crying for that one closed door you may not realize hundred open ones. Never lose hope.

THERE IS ALWAYS A RAINBOW AFTER THE RAIN. Same is in our life too. Don't regret when you get too old, because you are only getting this life once. Make the most of it. Cry for the loss but don't let it overpower you. Let it make you stronger.

So from today start loving life and accepting it as it comes.